Family, Life and Basketball: A Spurs fan’s story

Life is long, but it’s short too. She didn’t love the Spurs, but she was loved by a Spurs fan.

I don’t know if you’ve ever spent any significant time with a person with dementia. It’s a heartbreaking process, it’s like losing a loved one a piece at a time. Some days are better than others, but over time, the person you knew slowly fades away, and little random pieces are left, and you see the pieces as they float away, and sometimes unexpectedly float back into view.

My mother Barbara came to live with us five years ago. It was kind of unexpected, because she had been with her partner Richard for several years, and she lived in Weslaco so they could be close together. They never lived together, but they clearly loved each other, and Richard helped to care for her by checking in on her almost daily. Richard called me late in 2018, and said he was in the hospital. He told me that I needed to come down to the valley to pick up my mom, because he couldn’t care for her any more. He died shortly after that.

With a 7 hour drive between us, I really didn’t realize how much my mom’s condition had declined, but shortly after I picked her up, she confided in me that she was concerned that Richard had broken up with her, because he didn’t call her any more. I made sure that I took her to Richard’s memorial service to help her understand, and I think that helped her find a little more peace.

Mom was a sports fan, she loved to watch the Cowboys and almost any kind of football, except the kind you actually play with your feet. She wasn’t a big basketball fan, she found the quick action a little too hard to follow, and she quickly lost interest whenever a roundball game was on TV. Of course, I’m a huge Spurs fan, and me and my wife always wear San Antonio gear around the house, because it’s just fun to represent your team.

Towards the last year or so, she had trouble operating the TV remote, but we would schedule shows for her to watch. Her favorite was Wheel of Fortune, and although she was slowly losing the ability to have a conversation, she could solve a lot of the puzzles, sometimes even beating the contestants on screen. It became the highlight of her day every day when she could watch the letters being turned and she could call out the answers. It’s sometimes the littlest things that bring us joy.

Late in 2023, her condition got much worse. She was accepted into home hospice care the day after Christmas. We thought there might be many more months before she passed, but it was less than one month after that day when she died. The home hospice company provided us with a hospital bed, and she spent most of the last couple of weeks in the bed. She eventually lost the ability to get out of the bed by herself, and it was a bit of a relief for us since she wasn’t going to hurt herself in a fall. The hospice had provided us with drugs and supplies to keep her comfortable, and that was what we kept ourselves busy with, making sure she didn’t suffer any pain or upset that could be avoided.

Late one morning, I checked in on her. She looked concerned and I asked her if she was feeling any pain, or needed anything. I could tell from the look on her face that she was trying to concentrate, and I got closer. Leaning over her, I could see her trying to form words …

“Ssssss ….”

“Spuuuu…..”

“Spuuuursssss!”

“Spurs!”

She reached out a hand and pointed at my shirt. Sure enough, there it was. My shirt said SPURS. She was reading it to me. She smiled, and I could tell she was happy that she solved the puzzle. Pat Sajak would have been proud.

Mom died a few days later, peacefully and surrounded by family and caregivers. She never said anything else after that.

Life is long, but it’s short too. She didn’t love the Spurs, but she was loved by a Spurs fan. It’s important to love and enjoy the things and people you love, because they won’t last forever. Love what you love, and love who you love. Don’t waste any time on anything else.

Barbara Ann Jordan passed away on January 23, 2024. There will be a memorial service on March 30, 2024 at 10:00 am at Wildflower Church in Austin, TX.